Saturday Morning Hope

We share the early hours and minutes in spontaneous conversation. Coffee, talk, smiles and comfortable silences.

She’s so beautiful, smart, kind. And she loves me! I am so fortunate.

How did I come to be married in my mid fifties? Or start a new career/life path a couple years ago. Back to full time (on site) college at 49!

For a guy who struggles with long term depression, dysthymia, Shame, and Chronic fatigue; I am pretty proud of myself.

To be able to choose your life direction is a great gift. The world may look at you and assume that you have always chosen to do what you want. To me, it never felt that way. I felt locked into my circumstances unable to change the trajectory I was on.

I was never taught or was not born with a sense of hope that led to self efficacy and self confidence. My gifts and talents were unknown to me. What was possible?

Risk was a dirty word. “Play it safe”, “Don’t take chances”, “Save your money just in case”…

Waking up at the age of 40, with my mental, emotional, physical, relational and spiritual health in the toilet was enough to bring me to my knees.

I hate myself, my life. I can’t go on like this.


Then God showed up.